Many couples about to wed have lost someone important before the ceremony could take place. It might be a parent, a grandmother, a brother, or several loved ones. It’s common to want to honor these people at the ceremony. But you might be wondering how to include meaningful gestures without casting a pall over the event.
The way people go about this is a testament to human creativity. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to get all stressed and do something “remarkable.” Keep it simple, and it will be just as moving.
Flowers
Flowers are a popular way to honor loved ones. One moving gesture is for the bride or groom to place a white rose in an empty chair (next to the aisle or in the first row) as they approach the altar. White roses are popular, but not necessary. Lilies of the valley for grandmother who loved them are wonderful. How about white carnations for a mother who loved their spicy fragrance? One bride placed one white mini calla in her bouquet for each person she wanted to remember.
Remembrance Tables
Couples like to top small banquet tables with photos, candles, vases of flowers or bouquets and explanatory signs at the reception. Sometimes, these items will be stand-alone. Sometimes, they’ll show up at the ceremony on the guestbook table, or on the altar.
Ways to remember your loved ones at the wedding.
Memorial bud vase, Exclusively Weddings. Memory Bouquet Frame, Jean M. Favors. Breast cancer awareness bracelet, Eye Candy Bracelets. Assorted awareness beads and charms, Art Beads.
Loving Words
A sensitive officiant is one of the best ways to bring loved ones to mind. Have him or her briefly memorialize the people behind your remembrance items. Also, you can dedicate a page to them in your program.
Food
This might seem a little more lighthearted, but you can honor family members by including a famous cookie or candy recipe with your desserts, a signature appetizer on the menu, or a favorite sweet in a candy buffet (did a father love Bit’O'Honey chews?). Include a small framed note that explains the connection. InsideWeddings tells the story of a bride who lost her brother Ryan several years before the ceremony. Her father had Ryan-brand wine served at the reception.
Music
If someone in the family has a gorgeous set of pipes, one of the most moving tributes is to have them sing a dedicated song at the ceremony. Another popular approach: ask the DJ to play a special dance for an aunt or grandfather who loved to shake it on the floor.
Memorial candle and white rose on chair.
Left: “In Loving Memory” candle by Rexcraft.
Clothing
A touching way to remember someone is to wear one of their personal items. Brides have worn their mother’s or grandmother’s veils, or sashes made from the wedding dress. Grooms have worn their father’s tuxes or cufflinks. And let’s not forget jewelry: brides have woven a rosary, locket or set of pearls into their bouquet, and worn a father’s ring around their neck or on their thumb.
Donations
The “donation in lieu of favors” is a time-tested way to honor someone you’ve lost to a physical illness. Individual cards or a framed table note will let guests know who was on your mind. Some brides set out real or enamel ribbons symbolizing the type of loss involved: pink for breast cancer, teal for ovarian or testicular cancer, and so on. (See Awareness Ribbons Meaning & Colors.) Another option: the bride and her bridesmaids wear awareness bracelets. You can buy the awareness charms individually and make your own, or source the finished bracelet from a number of sites.
Symbols
Anything that reminds you of a loved one is fine: butterfly bouquet picks, for example. Or a picture-frame pin and photo pinned to a bouquet wrap ribbon, or a monogram pin in the letter of someone you’ve lost. A number of stores sell “In Loving Memory” brooches you can pin to a sash or ribbon. InsideWeddings tells of a bride who parked a pink and white 1957 Nash Metropolitan in front of the wedding tent in memory of her mother.
Are you planning to remember someone special at your wedding? How are you going about it?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
We are remembering my grandma with one of those candles from Rexcraft that has her name on it. We will also have “In Loving Memory Of….” printed on the bottom of the programs.
Thanks for the tip, Jen! I added a photo above … I think those candles are perfect.
Wow, a new blog for you:) I love it, and will add it to my feedreader right away:)
(waves) Hi Chrys! thanks for stopping by. Did I mention that the Italian wedding pics you posted were STUNNING.
we married in a 16th century hall with a huge ornate fireplace, which we filled with roses and candles, and then we took down the painting from above the fireplace and hung my grandfathers picture there. he got to watch me walk down the aisle.
Our officiant will ask attendees to stand and invite the deceased loved one to witness this ceremony. Example: I invite my mother, Jane Doe, GROOM’s grandmother to witness this wedding. Our officiant will then welcome all attendees, both spirit and human to join in sending loving, positive feelings to the bride and groom.
My groom lost his father a few years ago, the same year I lost my grandfather (who was like a dad to me). We plan on leaving an open chair next to his mom and my grandma in the ceremony with a flower on it as well as a candle (like the one above) at each space at table during the reception. I will probably incorporate a softball for my grandfather and a newspaper for his father somewhere into the ceremony/reception.
To the poster directly above, I love your idea of incorporating the softball for your grandfather and a newspaper for your father. How sweet. My Father passed away in May 2008 and I’m going to have my officiant say a few words about my Dad. I will probably have a picture at the reception-still working on the idea. I think all ideas of incorporating our lost loved ones are truly special.
I am going to remember my mom by placing her favorite flower (gladiolas) in the seat she would have sat in and playing a song for her at the reception while everyone is eating.
I am going to sing the song “Wishing you were Somewhere here again” for my mother at my wedding day. She passed away a month ago…..
any ideas on how to remember a daughter I lost? I would love to do something very special, but not overwhelming. Thanks
My finace lost his mother 3 years ago to cancer and we are going to have a sunset wedding on the beach and I wondered if anyone had ideas for a memorial rememberance of her?? Want to do something special, open to anything. Thanks!
Honestly, I would do something subtle but sweet and unique to that individual if it is someone close to you (Mother, Father, Child). I lost my father 2 months ago, and I think we are going to do a rememberance in the back of the program, a rose in his seat, and the favor is going to be a donation in his name to a charity that supports the cause we lost him too. I've seen great displays right when the guests walk in to sign a book, or collect their escort cards, with a nice framed picture, along with a short paragraph on whatever you'd like to say to your guests about him or her. I don't think you want to go over the top with songs or anything because if you're anything like me, you'd lose it at your own wedding. And it's supposed to be a happy day, and you want to try to get through it as best and happy as you can, keeping them in memory.
My father past away so he won't be walking my down the aisle. So before I come in we are going to play You Are My Sunshine (our song) and show a picture of my dad and I and then my two brothers will walk me down the aisle.
I lost my mom just 8 months before my wedding.. I put her picture on a chair so she could see me get married.. each of my sisters (they were my bridesmaids) and I placed a rose of her favorite color on the chair where she "would" be sitting. We played her favorite song at the wedding as well.. It's bitter sweet not having your parent or loved one there!. I also bought a vase with a loving memory on it and placed it as guests walked in.
I am getting married next year and have recently lost my grandmother, my fiance and i have decided to send a message to her by tying a message to a helium balloon in her favourite colour and my daughter is going to let it go at my ceremony.
Both of my grandfathers and my fiances great grandfather (who he was very close to) all passed away so we will be decorating a chair with flowers and maybe a bow and we will be adding This Seat is saved for…
We are planning on having a single spotlight on the center of the dance floor while playing “Dance with my Father Again” by Luther Vandruss for the Father/Daughter dance since the Bride’s father passed away recently and the Bride wants him remembered. Toward the end of the song her uncle (his best friend) will take the bride out on the floor and finish the dance with a picture of the dad projected overhead, smiling down. Hope to be very moving
My brother always loved anything to do with airplanes…he worked as an a & p mechanic at the time of his death. In honor of my brother, we've decided to have little paper airplanes flown instead of rice, birdseed or bubbles!! Love you and miss you Bill!
I am getting married in Three months and in the last year i have lost my fiance's Grandfather and my Grandfather is dying. My fiance's grandmother and grandfather raised him and my grandparents were such a Huge part of my life. I am doing three things. One is just for me and my FH. I am putting one jewel per grandparent that cant be here and one for my fiance to wear. And we are dedicating "if heaven wasnt so far away" by Justin Moore to them. And we have a table with all the grandparents wedding pictures. some ppl think its over the top but they meant so much to us.
There are going to be so many tears. I teared up just reading this. It is a beautiful way to remember the bride's father.
I am go ing to make a memorial of all the family members we lost. I am going to have a picture of all of them with dates and the song IF I had only known playing. Then I am going to make copies for everyone because its going to have a lot of pictures that the families had not seem before of the family members.